Monday, 30 January 2012

I am curmudgeon, hear me bore...

I am regularly mocked by my wife for my intolerance, especially when I am trying awfully hard to politely listen to somebody I believe to be an idiot. Whilst she sails through social situations like a majestic galleon surrounded by a fleet of attendant support vessels, I am a fire-ship headed into the enemy fleet destroying the will to live of anyone foolhardy enough to engage me in small-talk.

I just can't do it, I don't care about the mundane, at least if you wish to speak to me, let there be a point to your anecdote, something amusing or at least enough to keep me awake. And have mercy, don't ask me what I think about something, I will tell you, in detail and at length, leaving you wishing you had spoken to a pot-plant instead. I have very strong views on everything, often multiple views. Oh, and don't fall into the trap of agreeing with me, hoping it will shut me up, I'll have no trouble reversing my position and arguing forcefully against the point you so recently agreed with.

I wish it were otherwise, but it is who I am, part nerd, part enthusiast, part crusader, part playful child and part intellectual snob, an elderly curmudgeon since adolescence.

Speaking of intolerance, I am sick to the back teeth of people claiming to have food intolerances, what the hell is that about. You cannot be intolerant to food, that is ridiculous, you can not like it, you can have an allergy and die when you eat it, but you cannot be intolerant of it, "this is your last chance carrot, I am sick of these orange mother******s on my mother****ing plate". When did people become so stupid?

Bah!

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